In brief
Starting preschool can be a daunting experience for young children, often leading to separation anxiety as they face extended time away from parents. Experts provide insights into gradual adjustment, the importance of routines, and how parents can help their kids build resilience and cope with anxiety during this critical transition period.
On her first full day of preschool, Alexander Lane’s 3-year-old daughter stayed in the car for an hour at drop-off because she didn’t want to go inside. On the second day, she entered class in tears.
But by the third day, she eagerly ran into the classroom.
Starting preschool is a significant milestone but can also be a source of anxiety for some children, as many are experiencing their first extended period away from a parent or guardian.
Lane was aware of his daughter's nervousness about being away from her parents, having had to resist previous class enrollments. Therefore, he decided to let her acclimate before starting preschool.
“It’s not productive to tell someone, ‘You’ll just enjoy this if you push through and do it.’ That’s not very persuasive,” mentioned Lane from Minneapolis.
Experts recognize that separation anxiety is quite common and often a natural part of growing up.
“At the beginning of a new school year, changing classrooms and routines can lead to expected anxiety,” said Erica Lee, a psychologist at Boston Children’s Hospital.
Yet, if a child shows long-term symptoms of separation anxiety, it might hinder their daily activities, necessitating professional attention. Here are some strategies to help young children adjust better to school and ease drop-off.
Teaching Kids to Be Brave
In her two decades of preschool teaching, Kimberly Skukalek from Pinellas County, Florida, noticed a handful of students each year experiencing separation anxiety. She aimed to cultivate a safe environment for children to make new friends.
Interestingly, her message about school as a safe space extended to parents as well.
“Some parents, particularly those with their first child, feel more anxious than their kids,” Skukalek commented.
According to Izabela Milaniak, a psychologist at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, if parents believe their kids cannot handle a challenging situation, they might inhibit their development of resilience. Allowing avoidance, like skipping school, often worsens separation anxiety, as the avoidance can heighten distress.
Milaniak emphasizes the importance of encouraging bravery in children, allowing them to face challenging situations and learn self-soothing techniques. “Learning to be alone is essential for all humans,” she explained.
She advocates for a balanced approach in handling a child’s anxiety: validating feelings while maintaining firm limits. This combination fosters confidence.
When Patrick Edmondson's son Miles started preschool in 2023, he also exhibited resistance to morning preparations and emotional distress during separations. The Edmondson family chose not to indulge his fears by permitting him to skip school.
“If he expresses a problem, we have that option, but we keep it from him,” said Edmondson, from Washington, D.C. “We want to avoid enabling avoidance.”
To help Miles cope, his parents offered reassurances about their return and allowed him to select a “bravery toy” to make him feel secure at school. Now in kindergarten, Miles enjoys riding the bus to school.
Gradual Exposure and Routine Building
Lee suggests that gradually introducing a child to separation helps them get accustomed to it. Starting with brief separations, such as being in another room for five minutes, can increase their comfort level over time.
Establishing a short goodbye ritual may also assist children with separation anxiety, offering them a sense of routine without prolonging the parent's departure.
Lane helped his daughter by enrolling her in half-day summer classes and discussing her upcoming activities, packing her lunch, and selecting outfits together, making her feel more involved in the process.
When to Seek Help for Persistent Anxiety
Separation anxiety manifests in behaviors such as tantrums at drop-off, following parents around the house, or resisting sleep alone. Lee states that this fear is often linked to concerns about the wellbeing of parents or themselves during separation.
If separation anxiety lasts several weeks or months, it may be advisable to consult a pediatrician. However, she reassures that this condition is generally manageable at any age since it is “highly treatable.”
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