In the United States, bed sharing with children often raises concerns, but in many Asian countries, the dialogue revolves around when to stop, not whether to start. Families across Asia embrace the practice, considering it a natural way to foster close relationships with their children during the formative years.
In Seoul, for example, Erin Lim and Tommy Kim share their bedroom with their two sons, ages 9 and 5. Lim reflects on her childhood, where family sleeping arrangements embraced closeness across generations. “It’s so normal that no one even questions it,” she notes, highlighting a prevalent cultural perspective throughout the region.
The discussion on bed sharing is often laced with practical considerations in densely populated cities like Hong Kong and Seoul, where space constraints influence sleeping arrangements. Many parents worry about disturbing neighbors during sleep training or simply lack the extra room required for separate children’s bedrooms. Vicky Tsang, who provides breastfeeding support in Hong Kong, notes that in many circumstances, bed sharing continues until children reach primary school age due to limited living space.
However, the motivations behind this custom extend beyond mere constraints; they are deeply rooted in the prioritization of parental bonds. Heejung Park, a psychologist studying these trends in East Asia, points out that many couples prioritize the mother-child relationship over personal sleep habits or marital dynamics.
Further complicating the narrative, Attitudes towards bed sharing are starting to shift, as observed in Singapore, where a more affluent lifestyle has led to a rise in sleep training and hesitancy about discussing bed sharing. The mothers here, like Elaine Chow, describe an internal struggle between societal expectations and the indelible urge to maintain closeness with their kids.
Despite this variability, parents like Himani Dalmia in India remain steadfast in their commitment to bed sharing, citing the practice’s cultural roots, even in urban environments where Western practices prevail. Dalmia, who encourages other parents to embrace this custom, explains, “There’s a deep-seated attachment to the practice that transcends modern influences.”
Furthermore, social pressures can dictate the norms surrounding bed sharing, with some parents fearing they may be perceived as harsh or neglectful if they choose not to share a bed. Parental needs often clash, as in the case of Ms. Kim from Seoul, where she navigates between her husband’s desire to maintain closeness with their children and her own awareness of the potential consequences for their sleep quality.
As families grapple with the dynamics of bed sharing across cultures, it becomes clear that the implications are multifaceted, blending practical, emotional, and social elements into the fabric of family life. These relationships, established through shared spaces, often lay the groundwork for long-lasting familial bonds that transcend sleeping arrangements.
